bring goals into your relationship - a guest post from jess may
I don't know when or how it happened, but what's meant to be is truly meant to be. I met Jess of Jess-May.com on Twitter and we became fast blog friends. I have loved watching her blog and services grow and develop, while learning from her simultaneously. She is truly a bright spark of Aussie energy I can feel all the way in the Great True North. Plus, this girl is wicked smart when it comes to relationships. So, when I wanted to bring you all the best tips in setting goals with your partner, I knew it had to be from the heart of the one and only Jess May. Enjoy and be sure to subscribe to her blog to stay up to date with her amazing journey, cause she is going places!
Sitting down to set goals as a couple isn’t sexy - but it works.
When you’ve got your own individual goals for your career, your health, your fitness and anything else to better yourself, its way too easy to leave your partner to do their own thing as well. Sure, we check in and ask them how they’re doing on their tasks, but what about the teamwork that comes with being in a partnership? Where has that gone?
Before you tell me that you've already bought a house, traveled overseas and saved a bunch of money and you’ve achieved all your goals - stop. Think outside the box! What about the core values you hold? Are they apparent every single day in your relationship? Is your connection really as deep as you want it to be? Your goals don’t have to be physical items or experiences that you can see and touch.
Why set goals as a couple?
- Your communication is amplified, and its more than just asking about your day at work or debating what to have for dinner.
- You both get to share in the bliss when you smash your goal together.
- You’re going to strengthen your bond by working together. You're partners again!
- When things are tricky and you feel like you’re pushing shit up hill, you have your dangling carrot.
- You get another insight into the true passions that are driving your partner. How sexy is that?!
How do you do it?
List it all out.
Your individual goals and your goals as a couple. You might be really surprised to find that a lot of your individual goals are actually the same. The biggest thing here, and I can’t stress it enough, is don’t ever criticize your partner’s goals no matter how far fetched you think they are.
Take notice of your partner’s Heart Speak.
It will come out in their goals. Encouraging them becomes easier when you know how they love. It will also give you an insight into how to support them. Encouraging words will mean more to someone who values verbal exchanges where as someone who needs physical expressions might be more inspired by a new gifted notebook to keep track of your progress. *psst - if you need help working out what your partner’s Heart Speak is, hit me up!*
Prioritize and delegate.
Determine what you want to accomplish first and who needs to be doing what to get you there. A goal might require your partner to do something that you can’t, or a step in the right direction might see you required to take action.
Keep each other accountable.
Remind each other of the end goal, check in and see how you’re both feeling about it. If you’ve set an end date, you’ll have steps in place to reach the finish line.
Give grace where its needed.
But more specifically, don’t hang shit on them when/if they slip. You’re a team, remember? Sometimes you need to be flexible and reevaluate. If the timeline needs to be extended - cool! Just give it another date.
Just remember - These aren’t a set of “rules” for your relationship. The whole process is meant to be fun! You’re not in prison. You’re not trying to dig your way out of trouble with a plastic spoon. You’re working together to make your relationship the strongest it can be and who doesn’t want that, right?
Jess May is a born and bred Australian girl, a Psychology student and future relationship & sex therapist with a fire in her heart to educate young women on how to cultivate and nurture rewarding relationships and connections. She works with women just like you to bring the passion back and completely transform your relationship into something vibrant and exciting.